World history - a convervative view (this will piss off anyone even slightly liberal)

[OverkillZJ]

World History - A humerous view

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and shell fish in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals; and 2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and
created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be
forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.</SPAN>

[psychobilly]

hehe. I consider myself to be pretty damn liberal by the true definition of the word, which is a belief that individal rights are the most important political goal. But i still found that pretty funny. Then again, I dont know many funny jokes that are actually true. hehehe So a horse walks into a bar....

[OverkillZJ]

Like you said - "true definition of the word" - we both know "lib" vs "cons" have changed quite a bit even in my lifetime.

I got a huge kick out of it considering it kinda described my ex: Non beer-drinking therapist who wants her steak crispy.

[psychobilly]

Like you said - "true definition of the word" - we both know "lib" vs "cons" have changed quite a bit even in my lifetime


The only change I know is on the mass propaganda news networks. Its kinda like when those hummer commercials say "like nothing else". Well, they can say it all they want but anyone in the know knows they are just another run of the mill gmc vehicle. Same shit, different boot. IMO of course.

[psychobilly]

Non beer-drinking therapist


I dont think the non beer drinkin part was the problem there....she's a therapist. hahah

[TimMichaels]

Damn right we invented group hugs, whats so bad about that?? :057:

[DMG]

Damn right we invented group hugs, whats so bad about that?? :057:

I think the issue was that while you were hugging other men, another group of men was hunting for your food.

[Xplodedin]

Damn right we invented group hugs, whats so bad about that?? :057:

:flamer:

[OverkillZJ]

I dont think the non beer drinkin part was the problem there....she's a therapist. hahah

Why's that a problem, I'm obviously perfectly sane! :042: :042: :042:

[Bird_Flu]

That was funny as hell Matt.

[OverkillZJ]

That was funny as hell Matt.

Sent by Larry at BMM

[jimmyc751]

I too am more on the liberal side, but I am not a tree hugger hippie or anything like that. I hunt, eat what I kill and also like meat bloody. I enjoy a cold brew, and so on but I also do the group hug thing. LOL I also am a machinst, I would say that is pretty darn productive.

I must also add Nancy Pelosi is a worthless pos now remember I am liberal, and a active member of the NRA.

that joke actually made me cry from laughing so hard, guess because I cry I am liberal too right. lol

[2002wranglerX]

[quote=psychobilly;100395]hehe. I consider myself to be pretty damn liberal by the true definition of the word, which is a belief that individal rights are the most important political goal. quote]


That's a liberal? funny, seemed last time i looked they were taxing the hell out of me, taking my $ and giving it to others, and impeding on my rights. . . . .

i'd call you a "classic liberal". Meaning what liberals used to be. not this rob the rich to give to the poor crap.

[jimmyc751]

That's a liberal? funny, seemed last time i looked they were taxing the hell out of me, taking my $ and giving it to others, and impeding on my rights. . . . .


that is politicians in general. That's all I have to say about that.

[2002wranglerX]

that is politicians in general. That's all I have to say about that.

Fair enough.

i'll drink to that lol

[psychobilly]

That's a liberal? funny, seemed last time i looked they were taxing the hell out of me, taking my $ and giving it to others, and impeding on my rights. . . . .

i'd call you a "classic liberal". Meaning what liberals used to be. not this rob the rich to give to the poor crap.


Possibly could be called classic but thats a good bit of what the democratic "third way" neoliberal politics that you try to discredit are about. While you were watching fox news some people caught onto the idea of real fiscal conservatism and over the last 30 years have been attempting to bring to some degree real liberalism (good stuff no matter what fox says) back into government. Thats why Bill made it law that there be a 60 month cap on welfare, making it an emergency assistance program and not a way of life. The third way focuses on eleminating defecit but at the same time reccognizes a public interest and right to quality of life. Meanwhile GW being a practicing religious right conservative ("wrong way") decided to expand on the welfare program by giving checks to churches to give out to good upstanding church goers who tithed away last months rent money. I dont know about you but I dont think faith based welfare is the best idea for our tax dollars. That robs from the "thought to be free" working people and gives to the church. Right or wrong a liberal approach is just better than what we got.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_House_Office_of_Faith-Based_and_Community_Initiatives

[jimmyc751]

:popcorn2: I'm getting popcorn

[2002wranglerX]

cool

[psychobilly]

Otherwise what's to stop us from continuing our dependent "entitled" society.


prior to about 1996 (maybe 1995, I cant remember exactly) and Bill Clinton... nothing. now its 60 checks and your on your own, unless possibly you vote conservative and find religion. I dont know how faith based welfare works and I dont care to really. I want nothing to do with neither of the two, welfare checks nor faith based organizations.

And do the members of any church that accepts faith based government welfare lose their vote under your plan? How about anyone who visits a national park since they are part of a dependent entitled society. I dont know many people who can afford to buy yellowstone or canyonlands national park for their personal enjoyment.

[OverkillZJ]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NO MORE ARGUING POLITICS IN "JOKE THREADS".

I yi yi.

[stesul411]

[quote=psychobilly;100453]Possibly could be called classic but thats a good bit of what the democratic "third way" neoliberal politics that you try to discredit are about. While you were watching fox news some people caught onto the idea of real fiscal conservatism and over the last 30 years have been attempting to bring to some degree real liberalism (good stuff no matter what fox says) back into government.


I've been saying that for years Bill. Todays conservatist would have been called a liberal in the 50's.

[DMG]

At this point being a dem or rep means very little. I would say, depending on which special interest group owns a candidate there is about 1% difference between the candidates.

No I won't argue this point in this thread. This is a hit and run post.:flipoff2:

[DMG]

[quote=psychobilly;100453]Possibly could be called classic but thats a good bit of what the democratic "third way" neoliberal politics that you try to discredit are about. While you were watching fox news some people caught onto the idea of real fiscal conservatism and over the last 30 years have been attempting to bring to some degree real liberalism (good stuff no matter what fox says) back into government.


I've been saying that for years Bill. Todays conservatist would have been called a liberal in the 50's.
Amen!

[psychobilly]

I've been saying that for years Bill. Todays conservatist would have been called a liberal in the 50's


The type of "conservative" your sold on tv, sure. But the real agenda of republican conservatives it so seems is to maintain the religious conquest of government and protect their ways of business. Republican conservative does not mean what the tv people want tou to think it does...go back to that hummer commercial, same thing. Nowhere does the republican conservative agenda entail small government like they want you to believe. If they did Ron Paul would be the lone republican standing today. You dont have to look far to see it either, just look at the size of government now and our national debt. Then look back a decade and compare. Real world facts speak louder than any tv news "commercial".

And a little FYI; Conservative thinking began with people who opposed what was known as the age of enlightenment. The docterine of which fathered the framework of our government, freedom and rights. To be a conservative ment to maintain the King and his religion. The liberal thought was that people were suffering, they needed and deserved better, not just one or 2 people but all people. Jefferson himself pretty much plagerized Thomas Paine and John Locke when penning many of our origional government documents. Our nation was literally built by liberal thought. Thats not a bad thing, I dont know why the tv folks try to make it such a dirty word.

[OverkillZJ]

Can we just throw the terms "conservative" and "liberal" out the window with the exception of a funny joke?

[jimmyc751]

Can we just throw the terms "conservative" and "liberal" out the window with the exception of a funny joke?

haha see what you started. You are definitly the grumpy old admin. lol

[OverkillZJ]

I need to ban myself for starting drama :091:

[jimmyc751]

lmao we need mf steve to stop this.

[MF Steve!]

lmao we need mf steve to stop this.

No we don't. I stay outta these debates. I think we need a Debate Forum.

[jimmyc751]

No we don't. I stay outta these debates. I think we need a Debate Forum.

lol I don't blame ya.

political jokes are touchy just like black jokes. I personally thought it was funny, but other who apparently are more liberal than I didn't.

[stesul411]

I've only missed voting in one major election since I turned 18. With that said, I was originally registered as a Dem, because my parents were, and I voted for who I thought would be the best person for the job, then I became disilusioned with the direction the Dem party was going. In the mid 90's I reregistered as a Rep, and I voted for who I thought would be the best person for the job, I didn't like where they were going either. In 2000 I registered as an independant voter and dont think any one running for president is worth my vote.

I think we should all do a write in for Psychobilly and King as his VP.